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- Screaming at the can of food will not make it open itself.
- I should not assume the patio door is open when I race outside to chase leaves.
- If I put a live mouse in my food bowl, I should not expect it to stay there until I get hungry.
- The guinea pig likes to sleep once in a while. I will not watch him constantly.
- If I bite the cactus, it will bite back.
- I will not stand on the bathroom counter, stare down the hall, and growl at nothing right after my human has finished watching "The X-Files".
- Television and computer screens do not exist to backlight my lovely tail.
- No matter how dangly and attractive they are, my human's earrings are not cat toys.
- If I play 'dead cat on the stairs' while people are trying to bring in groceries or laundry, one of these days it will really come true.
- My human is capable of cooking bacon and eggs without my help.
- The canned cat food is already dead. I do not need to kill it by swatting bits of it all over the floor.
- I am a carnivore. Potted plants are not meat.
- I will never be able to walk on the ceiling, and staring up the wall and screaming at it will not bring it any closer.
- It is not a good idea to try to lap up the powdered creamer before it all dissolves in the boiling coffee.
- The goldfish likes living in water and must be allowed to remain in its bowl.
- If my human wants to share her sandwich with me, she will give me a piece. She will notice if I start eating it from the other end.
- I cannot leap through closed windows to catch birds outside.
- The large dog in the back yard has lived there for six years. I will not freak out every time I see it.
- I am a neutered cat, not a peacock, and prancing around with my tail fluffed up will not make my balls grow back.
- If I must give a present to my humans's overnight guests, my toy mouse is much more socially acceptable than a live cockroach, even if it isn't as tasty.
- Just because I hear voices in my head, I do not have to answer them!
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